Saturday, September 26, 2015
Saturday, May 4, 2013
What the heck was I thinking?
I knock doors for a living?!
Clearly I have lost my mind. Who leaves their job and everything that they love to knock doors and talk to people all day long?! As much as I knew that there were a lot of really really stupid people in this world, this isn't what I imagined at any point in any life goal or plan.
About 2 months ago someone joked with me about selling alarm systems and for whatever reason it seemed like a good idea. I had been considering my options for a long time and I been wanting to get in school. I am 26, I've never done any higher education and I had really been feeling like it was time to take some initiative and it was time to get it done. So when someone I consider to be one of the best in the business told me that I would be good at this, I trusted him.
I took my options to The Lord and started planning, it was confirmed so many times that I was supposed to be making these changes in my life. My housing contract sold right away, I started training my replacement and I was feeling really good about everything. Then we had a training in Vegas for the company and I was so overwhelmed that for the first time felt that I had made a mistake. I came home from Vegas and spent the next day trying to figure out if this was something I could do. When Sunday rolled around you can imagine that my mind was still racing with options and the entire focus of Sunday worship service was "I'll go where You want me to go" I had my answer.
I finally made my move to DETROIT and started training for 2 days. The 3rd day I was on my own and IT WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE. I might be being dramatic but it literally felt like the worst. I was alone with my decision for the first time in 8 weeks and I felt like I had made a terrible mistake. I knew that I hadn't because I was so sure of my confirmation and I knew that The Lord wouldn't lead me astray. I knew he wouldn't send me out here to fail, right?! He wouldn't send me 1700 miles away from everyone that cares about me and that I care about just to watch me fail, right? I mean, that seems a little cruel. So I wrestled with my decision to leave, and when my friend that had undertaken this adventure with me decided that home and family were calling her back, I really struggled with my next course of action.
I talked with my friends and family a lot the next few days, I'm sure some of them are still sick of hearing from me. I had never felt so alone and abandoned by God. Then I got really, really angry with God, and the next week was really tough for me, but I made a sale. It was a referral in Seattle, but it was still a sale and when they played my song in the morning meeting I was soaring. I couldn't believe how incredible that little success felt.
Over the next couple of days I was encouraged to decide if this was something that I was actually doing, if making a couple bucks was worth the time spent away from my family and friends. Every day the managers would ask me if I was staying or going. It was heartbreaking to think that I was trying so hard everyday and they were all sitting back waiting for me to leave. There were comments daily that made me question my decision to stay, but every day in talking with The Lord I knew I still needed to be here. I was so frustrated by that answer, it would be so much easier if I could justify the move by saying that I needed to move home or some other reason for leaving my life in Provo. A couple of people told me that God could be setting me up to fail, because that was a lesson that I needed to learn. This of course sent me into a tailspin of questioning everything I had ever know about The Savior, and that made my situation worse. I was friendless and needed comfort in a way that I have never needed to be comforted and the only person I could turn to was the very same person that at this point I felt had left me high and dry. I tried to pinpoint what was causing so much turmoil in my heart. I have such a strong knowledge of God's love for all His children so how could I believe that I was any different? At one point, I was told, "maybe this is how you learn to pick up the pieces and move forward."
Then after even more frustrating news I had a talk with a good friend. In the most tender way possible, exactly what my fragile state of mind needed, she told me to put on my big girl pants, flip off the haters and the doubters and get it done, with all of the womanly strength that I posses. So I did just that. I called my manager and told him I was here to stay. After that I called one of the other managers and asked him to teach me how to sell alarms.
Finally this week, I made a sale. Then, two days later... I made another sale.
Thank you Gardner, for cutting me back. It was something I didn't know that I needed as desperately as the glimpse of what is in store for me has already showed me.
I'm sorry for rambling on about this, this post is mostly therapeutic for me.
Monday, July 16, 2012
"Listen bro, I couldn't be any more sure of the fact that I don't want any FREAKING appetizers."
5 days ago I received a message from one of my online profiles that went a little something like this... "Something like this" obviously means that I have removed his name but kept everything else as written.
"Hi my name is ***** we have some similar intrists and i would like to get too know you more and go out on a date with you if you like too sometime. and you also have some gorgous eyes."
Naturally my response inquired about said "intrists" and because I hate myself and clearly don't believe that intelligent people want to date me, I eventually agreed to dinner... then lied to get out of the after dinner activity.
The next couple of days between setting up the date and actually going on the date were a little bit painful. I realized that our only real shared interest was the music from Glee, that he occasionally uses 'to' in the correct way, and 'too' is very much over and inappropriately used in its stead. His school system failed him and never taught him that ‘an’ should always be used if the next word in the sentence begins with a vowel sound. Such as shooting a animal as opposed to an animal. But if it’s a redneck deer it don’t matter either way.
At this point I'm sure many of you are asking why I agreed to go out with him in the first place, so let me just clear that up. I am overweight, more than just 'overweight' by medical standards and I am often judged for that in the "romantic" department. I get it. You are attracted to who you are attracted to and if you can't imagine sleeping with a more than chubby blonde girl I am not going to hate you for that. However, due to this fact I try very hard to be accepting of everyone. Well in the last few months this guy has lost 250lbs. Amazing! Phenomenal! Such an accomplishment. He still has another 200lbs or so to go and then he will definitely need skin removal surgery. So all of that factored in to my not being able to cancel this date, plus I always secretly hope that all fat guys are as funny as John Pinette, and y'all know I like to laugh.
We meet at the restaurant, he had called me about a last minute venue change so I knew that he was already there. My first thought was "you should be standing because you want to make a good impression and be respectful, fail." My second thought was "you are wearing jorts (jean shorts) and a t-shirt that could be mistaken for a maxi dress if it weren't for the graphic" My third thought, as he slid over to make room for me as we waited for our table, was "what the hell is that smell?!"
We are finally, mercifully, shown to our seats and we were left alone to converse. He starts looking over the menu and asks if I would like an appetizer, I decline. I am told that I can have one if I want so, go ahead, again I decline and insist that I'm fine. Once more before our server comes to take our drink order I decline an appetizer. Our server approaches, goes over the menu with us, takes our drink orders and inquires about an appetizer. At this point, his response should have been 'No thank you' Instead he points at me and tells the waiter it is up to me to decide, once again... I decline, politely, while thinking “Listen bro, I couldn't be any more sure of the fact that I don't want any FREAKING appetizers, and you can’t actually be throwing money in my face as a way to impress me.”
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMETHING EVERYDAY!
Make a soundtrack
Spanish Fork Wild West Days
Hike the Y
Hike to Grotto
Go Skinny Dipping
Take the boys to the park
Go to an Owls game
Go to the Reservoir
Camp at Sand Hollow
Plan, Host a Luau
Run a 5K
Zion's National Park
Museum of Ancient Life
Go to the Dinosaur Museum
Hike Stewart Falls
Go to Antelope Island
Float SF River
Spanish Fork Pool
I might be to busy to post any of it, I mean, I don't usually make time to post as is and I'm not trying to do 54 things in 18 weeks but I at some point, I will be looking through my pictures and NEED to post about my adventures so this is my heads up.
Also, if you so feel inclined CALL ME and ask me how my goals are going. I'm usually good for a story or two... I'll try to keep it interesting.
Wish me luck!
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Dinosaur By Ke$ha: This goes out to the 56 Yr old man with 7 children that tried to Favorite me on a dating website. Most applicable lyric:"You should be prowling around the Old folk's home Come on dude!Leave us alone"
More Boys I Meet by Carrie Underwood: Dedicated to all the boys that have taken me on dates. Click Here for more details. Most applicable lyric:"Cheap date, bad taste, another night gone to waste"
This Is My Now By Jordin Sparks: This goes out to everyone who cheers for me at Karaoke. Because my life wouldn't be the same with out you. Most applicable lyric:"This is my now, and I am breathing in the moment As I look around I can’t believe the love I see"
The Power by Love You Long Time: This song I would like to dedicate to myself, it helps me remember that I am responsible for the life I live. Awesome or Not. Most applicable lyric:"Who's got the power, I've got the power, who's got the power, you got the power so whatcha gonna do with it."
Crazy By Simple Plan: Dedicated to The United States of America. Most applicable lyric: The whole song. Just listen, it's worth it.
Paper Gangsta By Lady GaGa: Dan the Jelly Man, this is for you. Most applicable lyric:"Cause I do not accept any less than someone just as real, as fabulous"
Oh Darling by Plug in Stereo ft Cady Groves: I would actually love it if that cute boy at church would dedicate this song to me. Most applicable lyric: "If you'd ask me for my heart there's no way that I'll say no."
Start Me Up/Living On a Prayer by Glee Cast(thank you Bon Jovi and The Rolling Stones for making this mash up possible): I would like to dedicate this song to Kris, we've been through thick and thicker and funny and funnier and then some not very funny at all, and we're still good friends. Most applicable Lyric: "You live for the fight, when it's all that you've got."
Firework By Katy Perry: With this dedication a letter is required. Dear B- change some lives out there. Make a difference. Other B- you too! Also, if both of you could come back safe and sound it would mean the world to me. -Love Amanda